I’ve been busy lately enjoying the fabness that it is the Edna Pearson storyline thanks to the recent shiny new *cough* nearly uncut DVD release! I’d love to have a natter about that some time but as these mad little projects take an insanely loooooong amount of time I’ll save that for another day and turn my attentions to my next pick in my ‘Defining Episodes’ series! The suspense of it all! Can you guess what it is yet?!
Ahem! There’s a little bit of a clue in the title! Noooooo, it’s not the Glee Club escape in episode 434! Although seriously it could be actually because that’s another really outstanding slice of Prisoner, featuring as it does not only that but some absolutely powerhouse acting earlier on in proceedings by Judith McGrath as Colleen Powell in the aftermath of witnessing her family blown to smithereens in that car bomb meant for Rick Manning – for my money one of the best standalone performances of the whole series, or in anything else I’ve ever seen for that matter.
Funnily enough, it’s not even Myra Desmond’s fabulous lampshade hat effort in episode 459! You know, I still can’t get over the audacity of them having that Inspector Morse lookey likey call out after her, “Excuse me, I couldn’t let you go without telling you how charming you look in that hat!” Great stuff! Nor is it the awesomeness that is Marie Winter’s helicopter escape in episode 471!
Get to the point Lily, if you’re a fan of Prisoner you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about! While there are many great escapes during the course of our top show, there’s only one THE GREAT ESCAPE in bold capital letters – the trauma in the tunnel of episode 165! That’s not to say that because it’s the next one I’ve chosen the other 163 episodes between the first one and this one are all rubbish! In fact, far, far from it! Some of my very favourite episodes and very favourite Prisoner moments happen between there and then!
Don’t laugh, but it really did cross my mind to pick the much maligned episode 35, but I’ll save that for another blog about why it really is a work of genius, starring the intellectual giant that is Col Bourke bestriding proceedings like the veritable behemoth that he is in my eyes! The only guy who could make Benny from Crossroads look like Albert Einstein!
Col: You’re angry with me!
Mrs Woods: Col, you’ve had a gun in my face all day, you’ve shot at the police, you’ve shot my husband…
Yes well, it would make you a trifle cross!
Another really fantastic one amongst so many is episode 65 featuring Chrissie Latham’s shock return! Poor Meg! They really did put her through the wringer didn’t they?! And with friends like Vera setting her up to induct her husband’s remorseless killer just so she could take a cheap swipe at Jim Fletcher’s authority, who really does need enemies?!
Or what about the tremendousness of Janet Dominguez’s terrorist breakout in episode 82 when our gracious Queen Erica herself is winged?! At least it gave a feast to half the ants in the district on the chocolate sauce that was supposed to be her blood, as she had to lie on the ground all injured, as Patsy King once chuckled in an interview! And the breathless drama of it all sure was a feast for our eyes!
I’ve always loved that line from the Federal cop in episode 83 in the aftermath of it all, when they’re tutting about ever putting a high profile terrorist like Dominguez in Wentworth in the first place, “ Well, we weren’t to know that the walls were made of lolly paper, were we?!”
Erm…no comment! Well they did use jelly to blow open the gates! Geddit?! Bwahahaha! Actually I don’t know why they went to all that trouble! Our Meg is legendary for only ever rattling her key in the locks, so I’m sure they could just have slid them open!
Dear me, and then there was the brilliance of episode 116, one of my all-time favourites with Doreen and Kevin’s really lovely wedding in the garden leavening the darkness of Sharon Gilmour’s grisly demise at the hands of dastardly killer screw Jock Stewart!
In my mind, that scene further on in episode 119 where Jock leaves his parting present for Judy about Sharon’s final moments must be one of the most electrifyingly tense encounters of the series. There’s a chillingly casual deliberation to Jock, cannily and carefully ensuring that his words are for her and her alone, Tommy Dysart deftly harnessing his hulking presence and the gravely timbre of his Scottish tones to reinforce the character’s malignance in this moment.
Sustaining a sinister stillness, he glibly goads Judy into lashing out at him, thereby triggering the opportunity he was seeking to whisper the unspeakable to her, serving her with the most shockingly lurid account of Sharon’s death. The intensity of it all heightened by the intimate way that it is shot, transfixing you to its full horror. Ooooh, it fairly makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up just to think of it!
And of course all of that precipitates another really corking episode of the show in episode 121, with Judy’s little riot and rooftop protest about it all, cleverly echoing as it does all the way back to the first riot of the series in episode 3, and again all ending in tears!
I must say though, I absolutely adore Noeline Bourke’s brilliant one liner in episode 122 where Erica’s clumsily trying to offer her condolences for Leanne’s terrible death and she snorts, (in the way that only Noeline can!), “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t even run a fish and chip shop!”
The very idea of Queen Erica even in a fish and chip shop, let alone running one, is too mind bramblesome to contemplate! It’s like trying to imagine the Queen on the loo, if that’s not lowering the tone too much!
Randomly digressing from my digression (because it wouldn’t be Lily’s Blog if I didn’t!) there is, or there used to be many moons ago when I last visited it, a fabulously quirky place in Alice Springs called The Residency. It was where the Queen and Prince Philip apparently stayed on their Royal Tour in 1953. It’s just like an ordinary little house that they’ve pretty much left untouched since then. Trust your old Lily, I know it’s not promising but there is a funny point to this!
What still has me laughing away to myself like a loon to this day is that there was a proud little sign alongside the bathroom boasting, “This is the toilet that Her Majesty used in 1953!” Whoah there! Too much information!!!! Orf with their heads I say!
Anyway, where was I?! Ah yes, I’m supposed to be doing a blog about The Great Escape and I’m three pages in already and I’ve barely mentioned it yet! Honestly, what am I like?! I’m sure I’m getting worse!!!
So yes, in spite of all the brilliance that lies before it, the next episode that I’ve chosen for my Definitive Episodes list is episode 165, because for me it really is one of those standout, seminal storylines of the show. Like I said last time around, this list sure isn’t going to win any prizes for originality!
What’s fab about this particular one is that I’m lucky enough to have in my hot little hands a copy of the original script as we speak, so along the way I’ll do a little bit of a compare and contrast of some of the stuff they cut out and some of the embellishments in the translation from the text to the screen! Excitingness! No it really is because there really were some good little snippets here and there that we missed out on, not to mention evidence of some nifty adlibbing in some of the deviations from the script!
Funnily enough, the very opening scene was completely cut out, which is really just the women making their preparations for the pantomime and some “Oh no, we don’t want mad-as-a-bucket Anne Griffin to know anything about the escape plans!!!” antics, (and we’re treated to plenty of that during the course of the episode!). but it’s worth mentioning in its own right for a bit of a funny one-liner from Bea!
Bea: Okay now, this is where you pull the string and whip the cloak off Lizzie, and make it snappy, huh?
N/S ROBYN NODS HER COMPREHENSION, AND YANKS THE LINE. LIZZIE HAS A TIGHT GRIP ON THE CLOAK, AND THE LINE BREAKS.
Bea: (CONT) Struth, Lizzie – let go of the flamin’ thing. You’re not in the nuddy underneath.
Ho ho! Now there’s an image for you to conjure with!
The real action on screen actually kicks off with an even cornier joke! They’re rehearsing their lines for the panto and little Mouse booms, “I’m Prince Charming’s imperial guard, here to stop gatecrashers getting into the party, to which Judy trills haughtily, “We’re not gatecrashers, we are the daughters of Baron Broke…”
Mouse retorts officiously, “I’ll have to see your credentials!” so making like Mae West Judy swaggers salaciously, “Okay, why don’t you come up and see ‘em some time!” erupting into hysterics at her own joke, in the way that I always do myself! Go, girl!
Another exchange between Mouse and Judy during this scene that made me laugh (because I’ve got a very dirty mind!) comes as Mouse asks Judy what she intends to do after their escape. Judy shrugs her shoulders, “I dunno. I think I’ll head for the country for a while and, and just play it by ear.”
Mouse agrees, “Mmmm…be nice to go bush for a while!”
Hmmmm…I bet that’s not the first time our Judy’s gone bush! LMAO! I even outrage myself at times!
I love the rounded way this scene comes to a close, continuing the joke that Judy teed up at the start. Poor Mouse is feeling down about the fact that all her friends are in the city and she won’t know anyone when they flee to the country, so Judy cheers her up by going back to their little rehearsal, “We’re not gatecrashers, we’re the daughters of Baron Broke!”
Mouse duly replies, “I’ll have to see your credentials…”
But this time Judy, after a pause and a little sashay (flawless comic timing as always from Betty Bobbitt), quips, “Don’t be disgusting!” Great stuff!
Meanwhile, over at Meg’s flat, Mr Meg-to-be (brave man!) Bob is helping her to pack up her belongings in preparation for starting her new life with him. He asks her, “Now are you sure there’s no furniture you want to take?!”
Now let me see…there’s always that really uncomfy looking busy floral print two-seater, or the poo brown blotchy curtains in the kitchen, or the Day of the Triffids plastic foliage! Seriously, why would you?! “Oh my Gawd, is he out of his moind?!” as Judy would say!
Gleefully grasping her opportunity to abandon her old tat for a better class of 1980s bric a brac, Meg unsurprisingly declines such a tempting offer, “No, no I don’t think so!” Nice work, lady! Although an unkind soul might say it was a pity that thought didn’t extend to almost her entire wardrobe too!
Warming to his theme, picking up some random old glass that looks like you’d find it in a set of five in the back of a charity shop, and staring at it in wonder as if it’s a piece of Waterford Crystal (I always knew Tony Hawkins was a great actor!), Bob enthuses, “You know, these are really beautiful! Where did you get them?”
Remarkably the answer to this isn’t a pound shop!
No, putting my serious head back on and into the mood of the moment, Meg replies distractedly, “Oh well I’ve had them for years. They were a wedding present from Bill’s mother.”
Pricked by this reminder of the sadness in Meg’s life, Bob mumbles, “Oh I’m sorry,” but all buoyed up by her present happiness, Meg’s unperturbed, brushing it off, “You don’t have to be. I’m sure Mrs Jackson’d be delighted to know that you like them. There’s no use pretending we haven’t got a past.”
I guess Meg really did have to be that grounded to cope with the many slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that were hurled in her direction in her life! She’d be as mad as Dr Kate otherwise! I must say, whilst Queen Erica is my style guru and etiquette exemplar, Meg is my model of how to cope with absolutely any catastrophe that fate can mete out! She came through just about every horrendous thing imaginable that can possibly befall a person with her sense of positivity intact!
I wouldn’t mind some of whatever it was that Dr Greg prescribed her in the wake of Bill going west…but enough about the good doctor’s well trousered trousers, the pills would be good too! Outrageousness again! I really must pen myself a strongly worded letter of complaint!
Anyway, back to the episode 165 action, Meg laughs at their wedding present from Lizzie, A History of the Wentworth District (the big clue to the women’s escape plans! *Gasp!*) and where she evidently got it from, “I might have guessed – Wentworth Detention Centre Library – do not remove!”
Yes I really am sad enough to have freeze framed my DVD at this point to try to make out if it really did say that on the cover of the fusty looking tome! You should’ve seen the state of me, craning my neck and trying to look under it as if my television’s 3D or something! Fancy, Prisoner meets Avatar! Mind you, they’re halfway there with Joan’s notorious acid trip in episode 413!
Sadly enough, my hopes of another cheap laugh at the production values were in vain, because in spite of my most valiant efforts I just couldn’t make it out! Serves me right! Anyway, when Erica’s helping Meg with her make up a little later on in the episode and she picks up the book, you can actually distinguish that it does say A History of the Wentworth District on the cover, so hurrah for them!
Oh, and I do love how Meg’s wearing a blue blouse not a million miles away from the officers uniform in this scene…as you would in your free time when you spend so much of your life in the prison! That’s dedication for you!
Vera then rocks up, venturing, “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything!” Oo-er Missus! And them not even married yet! As she’d say herself, “How disgusting!”
I love the way good old Vera’s as subtle as ever, blundering in about Bob’s jailbird offspring attending the wedding, “I believe the department gave Tracey the permission to be there!” as Bob rolls his eyes and replies, hollowly, “Yeah, good news eh?!”
Moving back to the prison, the three musketeers, Bea, Lizzie and Doreen are chatting in their cell at bedtime and Bea comments, “Well, all the cossies are finished tonight and all the street clothes are down the tunnel.”
Doreen chuckles, “Yeah, I hope it doesn’t rain and wash ‘em all away!” to which Lizzie laughs, “I can just imagine you lot coming out of that drain looking as though you’ve been to a fancy dress!”
Funnily enough, I think I remember Val Lehman telling a story on the DVDs about how they had to rush to an appearance they were making in a shopping centre or something at the time they were filming this, still in their pantomime costumes! How totally random must that have seemed to the assembled crowd?!
Bea adds, “Oh, Phyll managed to get a message out to Helen through her brother…”
It’s great to hear Phyllis getting a mention in such a big storyline relatively early on in the show!
Lizzie remarks, “Yeah and thanks to old Gillespie he nearly got caught. Good thing he had it folded up in his hand!”
Folded up in his hand?! Another triumph of Wentworth security when it’s supposed to be at its tightest then!
Without a whiff of irony, Doreen tuts, “Yeah imagine getting your visitors searched just because they thought Phyll had passed him something!”
I know, Dor’! Fancy such a thing! Anybody would think it was a prison or something!
As Bea quips, “Yeah as if our Phyll’d do a thing like that!”
After a bit more chit chat Bea concludes, “Well, looks like all systems go. All we have to do now is keep our fingers crossed that Mrs Jackson doesn’t do any reading on her honeymoon!”
Bea has some wise words of advice to Doreen too as she’s fretting about where she’s going to go after she makes good her escape, “You’ll be alright with Judy for a while but you can’t stay with her forever. If you’re going to stand any chance at all you’ll have to split up.”
Cutting back to Meg’s flat, I did have to laugh at the extreme irony of a line of Meg’s that was cut from the script. She’s chatting with Bob about how poor old Vera’s only got her work. In the original script Bob retorts a little bitterly, “You’ve got more than that,” to which Meg agrees, “I know, Bob, and I won’t let the prison come between us, I promise.”
He should’ve asked for that in writing! Hindsight’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it?!
Speaking of the script, in the midst of all their cheesy badinage in this scene, I really did have to laugh at one of the stage directions:
BOB GROWLS: A SOUND SIMILAR TO A TIGER IN RUT, AND NUZZLES HER NECK.
Noooooooo! The wrongness of it all! Sadly we don’t get to enjoy Bob’s impersonation of a tiger in rut in the finished product!
I must confess though, for all the dialogue is a bit cloying in this scene (even for a sap like me!), what with Bob’s talk of Meg being a sweet old fashioned thing because she reckons it’d be bad luck for him to spend the night before the wedding with her (and you can totally understand our Meg being wary of bad luck!), I can’t help myself but feel really happy for her after all she’s been through that she’s so happy at this moment in Prisoner, even if it is all too brief!
I am a bit worried for her though that after she sends him on his way she doesn’t even put the chain on her door! You’d think she’d have learned something after being attacked in her home so many times! Mind you, as aforementioned, she thinks locking the gates in the prison means just furiously rattling your key in the lock, the mad thing that she is, so she’s hardly an expert in security!
Ah, but the start of the next scene, as a new day dawns in the prison, treats us to a comical bit of adlib that wasn’t actually in the script. The gang are all swinging along the corridor singing “Here Comes The Bride!” to Mouse in the Cinderella veil. Judy says to Mouse, “Are you a virgin or something?” to which Bea quips, “Virgin’ on the ridiculous!” Ha ha! Good stuff!
They bump into Mr Gillespie along the way who is his usual cheerful self, grouching at them, “What the hell are you playing at?!”
I love how he spends just about his entire sojourn in the show being *really angry* about everything! I find people like that absolutely hilarious!
Judy tries to reason with him, “Just a bit of fun, Mr Gillespie…” but he grumbles on, “A prison is not a place of fun, Bryant. I’ll not have Wentworth turned into a Mardi Gras!”
I absolutely adore Lizzie’s response to this, “Marty who?!” Classic!
I also love how Bea steps in after Mr G’s still barking away about them supposed to be working, “We would be but someone seems to have locked the security gates, Mr Gillespie!” Nice one, Bea!
I like that bit at the close of this scene too where Lizzie sidles up to Gillespie and asks him if they can send Meg a telegram for her wedding and how flabbergasted she is when he says she can!
I love the way he snaps back, crossly (just for a change!), “It’s within your rights, Birdsworth. Don’t act as though you’ve wheedled something out of me!”
Perish the thought!
Next up, we move back to Meg’s pad as Erica and Vera are helping her to get all glammed up and ready for the wedding! Excitingness! I did have to smile again at the stage directions in the script for the start of this scene:
ERICA, THE ONLY TOTALLY CALM ONE, IS IN THE KITCHEN MAKING COFFEE TO STEADY THE NERVES.
Just the thing to have to calm you down…erm I don’t think! I always find it makes me more jittery! If you can possibly imagine me even more jittery than I am as normal!!!!
Anyway, who needs coffee when you’ve got Vera to wind you up, chittering, “Oh I don’t understand you Meg, if it was me I’d be so nervous!”
As Meg laughs, “Don’t say that or I will be!”
Erica asks her if she’s got something old and something new, but Meg replies, “No, no I didn’t think I’d bother with that this time.”
Vera insists, “Oh but you must, it’s bad luck not to!”
I must say, I totally agree! If I were Meg, with the run that she’s had, you’d hardly be able to move for horseshoes, rabbits feet, four leafed clovers, dancing leprechauns and chimney sweeps around me!
Ever the Queen of etiquette, it’s good old Erica to the rescue with some bling that belonged to her grandmamma and pointing out there’s blue in her bucket…sorry bouquet! Phew - thank heavens for that! In light of what does lie ahead for her in the show, can you imagine what would have become of her if Erica hadn’t have stepped in there?! It hardly bears thinking about!
I love the little bit of drama with Erica leafing through the women’s escape plans, that famous A History of the Wentworth District! If only she knew! Meg explained that Lizzie “borrowed” it from the library to give to her as a wedding present (I love how unbothered they are about these glaring breaches in security!) and asks her to return it to the prison.
However, mindful that that less than robust looking unit in her broom cupboard office, already groaning under the weight of her indispensable to the running of a penal institution Encyclopaedia Britannica, would most probably collapse with one more tome added to it, she declines, concluding sensibly, “No keep it Meg, along with the toasters and the condiment sets et cetera, it’s the thought that counts!”
Meanwhile, loving the job that Vera’s done on Meg’s eyes! Ming Ming the Panda is such a good look for a wedding! With Vera sent through to get her shoes, Wonder Erica saves the day again as she dashes over to offer her a bamboo shoot, sorry a repair job (ha ha ha!), and some soothing words, “Just calm down! There’s plenty of time and the bride is always expected to be late!”
And so we move on to Helen Smart popping over to see the well-named Weasel to pick up the phony driving licences our gang will need once they’re on the run. Nice leopard print top! Very Bet Lynch! But that’s enough about Mr Weasel! Ha ha!
Weasel’s less than keen and threatens her with a chat with the improbably monikered Lefty Lonegan, but Helen holds her own suggesting that if that’s the case she’ll send round some business partners of her own to deal with Lefty! At the mention of the names she gives him Weasel backs down, for as it sagely comments in the script, “He knows he is taking on the roughneck league by crossing this lady!” I’ll say if her connections in Underbelly are any indication! Go Helen!
Weasel’s well peeved though, grumbling that the licences cost him, but he’s getting no change out of Helen who points out, “Oh I’m sure they did. But you would’ve made a few bob flogging off that passport wouldn’t you? Anyway, you just call it protection money…see ya!” Neatly handled!
Golly, do you know? How I do these things is that I jot some scribbles down as I’m watching the action and then I try to make sense of them! Well, as much sense as I ever make! Anyway, I’m laughing away to myself at some random comment I’ve made at the start of the next scene in the prison garden, “I would’ve liked a close up of the spunk erecting the marquee!” And I so agree with myself!
I did have to laugh at the tremendous staffing levels as ever in Wentworth, with Mr Gillespie reeling off his deployment plan for the pantomime to Colleen after she frets about the positioning of the tent cutting off their line of vision to the fence, “It’s all in hand, Mrs Powell. Mr Fletcher has full instructions for tomorrow. There’ll be a double guard on the fence, two officers on the roof, a skeleton staff in the prison and everyone else in the marquee.” With Meg being away that’ll leave Erica just about on her own in the tent then!!!
I love Mr G channelling Nelson with his “Wentworth expects…” little speech in reply to Colleen’s moan about it being her weekend off, “We’d all have the weekend off Mrs Powell if it wasn’t for this stupid pantomime business! (What?! And have nobody working in the prison?! How mad is he?!) One of the disadvantages of the job I’m afraid. Every officer will be required to do his or her duty and they can’t expect anything less!”
I love Colleen’s dry, “Yes sir!” in response to this! Nobody can work a reaction shot like Judith McGrath!
Back in the prison, Bea’s mind is on the batteries they’ll need for their torches. According to Judy, most of the batteries they have are flat. Just what have they been up to with them?! I wouldn’t like to comment any further!
Moving swiftly on (!!!), I absolutely adore Lizzie’s telegram that she’s written for Meg’s wedding, as she reads it out to Colleen:
“Congratulations, Mrs J, to you upon your wedding day. Best wishes to your husband too, he’s getting a real good Wentworth screw!”
Ha ha! Genius! It’s the way she reads it out too and how they all fall about laughing after it! Even ol’ Po-face cracks it for a smile!
Oh and I love the bit of drama at the close of this scene where Bea’s airily trying to put Anne Griffin off the scent of their escape plans, but it proves to be to no avail, as she breezes, “No I meant the plans for the breakout. That’s what I wanna help with. I always do everything I can to help my friends!” as Bea and Judy exchange worried, lip-biting “Uh-oh!” looks!
Incidentally, just how fantastic is Rowena Wallace in this part, especially when you compare her role as Anne to Pat The Rat in Sons and Daughters? She really is one of my favourite TV actresses! What a legend! Such a treat to see her brilliance in two of my top shows!
Ah, but get your best bib and tucker out, because now we’re moving on to Meg’s wedding! Nice to see them arrive so tastefully in Vera’s hideous mustard coloured car, clashing horrifically with her turquoise frock and Laurel and Hardy style black bowler as she’s driving it! Loving the parking too, as she revs the engine and nearly launches the car onto the verge!
A little bit more power on the gas and poor Meg would’ve been in more disarray than Kath Day-Knight in Kath and Kim when she rocked up to her wedding in that wayward coach! Lucky her hat was welded on securely and Queen Erica’s crowning glory was lacquered within an inch of its life as usual or it could’ve been carnage!
Oh and before I forget, it was nice to see that Vera had made an effort to clean her car before they left! Look at the state of that windscreen! It’s a wonder she could see out of it to drive! Maybe that explains the messy parking!
Anyway, there’s a bit of puzzlement when they spy Jim, Bob and his brother (who even has a name in the script! It’s Hal! So you can rest easy in your beds tonight for knowing that!) hovering outside the church. As Erica trots off to find out what’s happening, Meg jokes nervously, “Knowing Bob he’s probably got cold feet!”
With her track record in the menfolk stakes, I can’t say as I’d blame him! But Vera scolds, “Don’t say that Meg, it’d be terrible to be stood up at the altar!”
There’s quite a sweet little exchange of dialogue here as Meg confesses, “I don’t mind telling you, I feel like turning round and running!”
Vera encourages, “You wouldn’t!” and Meg laughs, “I couldn’t! My legs have turned to jelly!” Bless!
Erica returns and explains that the problem is that Bob’s daughter Tracey hasn’t arrived from Barnhurst yet, and so Jim has suggested that they drive around the block while he gets everyone inside, because the church is booked for another wedding later. Yes we know! It’s Scott and Charlene’s from Neighbours! Angry Anderson’ll be there any minute for his power baladeering, and they wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of him! He’s not called Angry for nothing!
Meg moans about why they couldn’t have left from Barnhurst earlier, to which Vera suggests tactfully, “Something could have happened Meg. You know what it’s like when a prison’s short staffed!” Meg really needed to be reminded of that at that moment, didn’t she?!
Ah but it’s all good though as Tracey rocks up from the nick just in the nick of time! As Erica comments, “Well, this is it…” there’s a nicely written little add on to this scene in the script that didn’t make it to the screen.
THEY CLIMB OUT OF THE CAR.
MEG LOOKS TOWARDS THE CHURCH NOT WITHOUT CONCERN.
Meg: Tell me I’m doing the right thing,
Erica: Of course you are.
Meg: Thanks. I thought I was.
THEY MOVE TO THE CHURCH ENTRANCE, WHERE JIM IS WAITING.
Jim: Wow! You look to good to give away.
MEG BLUSHES. ERICA AND VERA WHISPER GOOD LUCK WISHES, AND SLIP IN TO JOIN THE CONGREGATION.
Jim: (CONT) Ready?
MEG TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND NODS, WORDS BEING TOO MUCH FOR HER.
Bless her heart!
And here it is then! Such a special moment in Prisoner for me, all linked up with how much I care about Meg as a character, how out of all the officers in the show, she was probably the one for so many reasons who deserved the most happiness but who ended up getting one of the rawest deals, not to mention how warm and squishy I feel about it being the very same church in which Scott and Charlene were spliced in Neighbours in another golden moment of television!
In fact, come to think of it, it really is like Scott and Charlene’s wedding (minus the power ballad!) but for grown ups, and all the more touching for featuring two people who have been hit by the express train of life experience and who aren’t in the full bloom of youth. The look on Meg’s face as she walks down the aisle on Jim’s arm says it all for me! I’m nearly welling up thinking about it just now, the softie that I am! Honestly, I’m worse than Willie Beacham!
And I must say at this point that she looks absolutely radiant, all the more remarkable because as I was laughing to one of my friends on Facebook the other week, most of the time Meg really is the Lady Gaga of Wentworth! As if she hasn’t got enough to contend with - the garbs they throw on her during her time in the show, and that’s without even mentioning the gold face paint during Joan’s acid trip!
My all time favourite I think has to be the rig out she wore to Bill’s funeral in episode 4! To take you back to what I said about that in my review of that many moons ago (for anyone who had the misfortune to catch sight of that!), there had been a terrible mix up at the wardrobe department that day. Somehow the ‘What To Wear To A Funeral’ and ‘101 Greatest Hits From The Musicals’ dressing up boxes became muddled, with catastrophic results! For, in the words of the inimitable March, it led to a state of affairs where…
…Meg wore the most bizarrely inappropriate electric blue outfit with a blue Pirates-of-Penzance headscarf, accompanied by Erica in an ill-advised hat perched at an angle, poo-brown matching suit, and a frilly brolly, and looked like she could be appearing in an amateur production of My Fair Lady.
Also, the scene commenced with one of the most bizarre camera angles of the entire series, from between some bloke’s legs as he raised his umbrella as a curtain call on proceedings!
Something else I noticed was the unseemly hasty retreat most of the mourners beat from the graveside, with not so much as an acknowledgement in poor Meg or Marty’s direction! How rude! Perhaps they feared that in her fraught state and pirate costume, Meg was about to whip her cutlass out from her giant cream handbag and start splicing people’s mainbraces!
And what about Erica and the incredibly lofty way she was holding her parasol, as if she were about to make like Mary Poppins and float up into the sky?!
Such is the genius of Prisoner that it really does transcend the ridiculousness of this premise so that the undoubted hilarity of this aspect of it is blown into next week by the quality of the acting and thoughtfulness of the direction.
That really is power acting when you can be genuinely moved by characters dressed so ridiculously, so that you see beyond one woman wearing a pirate’s headscarf and the other a giant bowler at a jaunty angle (with a luggage strap for a hat band!), you see one woman bereft and the other feeling desperately for her loss.
Anyway, back (or rather forwards!) to episode 165 and Meg’s happy day, there’s a little bit of comedy relief in the midst of all the nuptials with Lizzie pinching the batteries from Vera’s radio in the staff room! You can tell it’s Vera’s radio because she’s written “VERA BENNETT” in big letters across it! That’s a bit of a clue I’d say!
*Gasp!* There’s a bit of drama though as Lizzie’s nearly caught in the act by Gillespie and Colleen on their way into the staff room! I love how Mr G does a double take as he sends Lizzie on her way, suspecting that she’s been up to something but with no idea what!
So back to Meg and Bob’s lovely wedding and it’s nice to see the Rev Ian Paisley taking the service and proceeding to harangue them in the process! “MARRIAGE SHOULD BE HONOURED BY ALL AND IS NOT TO BE ENTERED INTO LIGHTLY OR CARELESSLY, BUT WITH REVERENCE AND SERIOUS RESPECT FOR THOSE PURPOSES FOR WHICH IT WAS ORDAINED!!!!!” he booms, cheerlessly! If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands, eh?!
No, it is beautiful though the way they fade out the Rev Paisley’s dulcet tones and Bob and Meg do the voice over of the thoughts in their heads as the camera pans right around them and across Erica, Jim and Vera in one lovely long sweeping shot.
As they exchange meaningful looks, Bob’s thinking, “She’s so unlike Barbara, and yet alike in many ways. So much I have to know about her…” as in turn, Meg’s thoughts are, “Here I am, with a man I didn’t even know six months ago, but I know that I love him, and that’s enough for me…”
You know, what disarms me every time is that there’s so much unflinching honesty in the writing of Prisoner. It isn’t always slick (although it most definitely has its moments!), but there’s so much emotional truth in there that the best writers like Dave Worthington and Denise Morgan regularly evoke in the characters and that the actors for their part bring so well to life.
Incidentally, I’ve always thought that it would have been nice if they’d given more of a nod to the fact that Meg’s first wedding to Bill would undoubtedly have been in her thoughts. Interestingly, it was actually given more of a mention in the original script for Meg’s voice over here:
“So much like the last time…eighteen, no – nearly nineteen years ago – where have they gone? Poor Bill – he was so patient…”
Back to the prison and the preparations for the panto, there’s a peach of an exchange to kick off the next scene! Doreen’s having a bit of a job squeezing into her costume and whines, “Aw heck, this is never gonna fit me! Someone must’ve got me measurements arse up!” cueing Judy to quip, “Yeah well maybe if you stood on your head it would fit then!”
There’s another hilarious bit of adlib leading on from this that wasn’t in the original script. Mouse is pondering where she can hide her torch and as sharp as a tack, Bea retorts, “Well I’ve got a suggestion!” as she stuffs it down the front of Mouse’s fabulous stripy trousers!
Mouse gasps, “That could be dangerous!” but Bea quips, “You’ll be okay as long as it doesn’t turn on!” Ha ha ha! And I don’t think there’s anything more to say about that!!!!
Lizzie then sashays in as pleased as punch with the bounty she’s got from the staff room! Bea exclaims, “Where did you get them?!” to which Lizzie trills, “Ain’t saying! But there’s not going to be any music in the staff room for a while!”
But Lizzie also has some sobering news for them about hearing Mr Gillespie tell Colleen that they’re going to have officers on the roof. Everybody’s in an uproar at the thought of their plans crashing in around them, but Bea’s not beaten yet, urging them, “Hey, no don’t just go giving up like that. We don’t know where they’re putting the marquee yet!”
Judy rolls her eyes, “Yeah sure, maybe we can organise to have it over the drain cover!” but keeping a level head about her Bea insists, “Well I think we should find out what the whole story is first, eh?!”
There are a few scenes leading on from this cut from the original script, involving Bob and Meg saying their vows and exchanging their rings and a scene in the laundry featuring more preparations for the panto.
The closing exchange from this scene did quite amuse me! Doreen comments, “It was good of Mrs Davidson to give us the afternoon off for a dress rehearsal.”
Judy smiles, “I bet it put Gillespie’s nose out of joint!” prompting Lizzie to laugh, “Yeah – ‘specially when she left him in charge and buggered off for the afternoon!” Good stuff!
And so back to the nuptials then as the wedding party leave the church. They cut huge chunks of dialogue out of the script for these sequences. There was a classic, “Vera struggling in a social situation” moment that we missed out on:
Jim: That went off quite well.
Erica: Yes, simple and to the point. I always think that works best.
VERA APPROACHES WITH A BOX OF CONFETTI. SHE IS LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL ON A PICNIC.
Vera: I’ve got some confetti, if you want some…
Erica: Oh…well, I thought later – when they leave the reception…
Vera: You can’t have a wedding without confetti…
Jim: I really don’t think the Minister would appreciate it, Vera. He’s got another wedding in less than an hour, and the mess on the steps…
VERA IS DISAPPOINTED, SHE RETURNS THE BOX TO HER HANDBAG.
Vera: Oh, yes…of course…
There was then a cheesy bit of dialogue between Tracey and Meg that we were probably more fortunate to miss out on!
Tracey: I guess I’ll have to call you Mum now.
Meg: (MOCK DESPAIR) Oh – don’t – I feel twenty years younger today…Don’t spoil it for me.
Tracey: Okay. Meg today, Mum tomorrow.
Meg: It’s a deal.
A PAUSE. THEY SMILE A LITTLE AWKWARDLY AT ONE ANOTHER, THEN TRACEY THROWS HER ARMS AROUND MEG. TEARS WELL IN HER EYES.
Tracey: Congratulations, Meg.
Meg: Thanks, Tracey.
THEY PART.
Tracey: Make him happy.
Meg: I’ll try…
SHE SQUEEZES HER HAND, AND MOVES ON. TRACEY WIPES HER EYES AND NOTICES VERA WATCHING HER. SHE GLARES BACK, VERA SELF-CONSCIOUSLY LOOKS AWAY…
Finally from the wedding, there was a nice little conversation between Jim and Vera cut from the original script that might have added a bit more depth to proceedings:
VERA STANDS SOME DISTANCE AWAY, WATCHING A LITTLE SADLY. SHE DOES NOT NOTICE JIM APPROACH, AND JUMPS WHEN HE ADDRESSES HER.
Jim: I hate posed wedding photos. They’re so artificial.
Vera: It’s nice to have some memories recorded.
Jim: Sure, but why not a few informal shots? Captures the mood of the occasion far better.
VERA SAYS NOTHING. THEY WATCH IN SILENCE FOR A MOMENT.
Vera: It seems strange to see Meg getting married. I mean, she’s always been Mrs Jackson, and even though I was there when Bill got killed…
SHE LETS THE SENTENCE HANG STEEPED IN HER PRIVATE THOUGHTS.
Jim: She’ll be Mrs Morris now.
Vera: Yes.
JIM SENSES VERA’S SADNESS, AND TRIES TO MAKE LIGHT OF IT.
And then we come to the only little bit that does make it to the screen as Jim consoles her, “Cheer up Vera, we will be getting her back, you know,” and Vera smiles, “I know, I’m just feeling very happy for her, that’s all.”
Me too, Vera, me too! And so they pose for their photos. I really love how this little sequence is done, with the Prisoner-esque symbolism at the beginning and the end of the gathering shot through the railings of the gate, and then the little montage of the snaps being taken (by a photographer who looks remarkably quite like Kevin Palmer from Sons and Daughters! I had to do a double take the first time I saw this!) over a nice little exchange of dialogue.
Bob: Happy?
Meg: What a silly question!
Bob: So give me a silly answer!
Meg: Of course…
Oh and I love, love, love that shot of Vera, Jim, Meg and Bob together with them stroking their moustaches (the chaps that is!!!) – a moustache made in heaven, as a dear friend commented! It’s all lovely stuff though and makes me feel all sunshiney inside with the happiness of it all! As I’ve said so many times before, it’s worth all the darkness in Prisoner just for little chinks of light and hope like that.
Over in Wentworth, preparations for the panto are reaching their final stages with the girls starting to get the marquee all ready. And isn’t that tent like the TARDIS with its vast interior?!
But uh-oh! If I were Irene Nagel, I’d be afraid, be very afraid! For as every good Prisoner fan knows, Rule Number One in Queen Erica’s Encyclopaedia is that if you’re a non speaking extra and you’re suddenly given a prominent role in a big storyline, now is the time to start frantically scouring the “Situations Vacant” in your newspaper, for as sure as eggs is eggs your character is about to meet a sticky end!
Crestfallen at the Grim Reaper so evidently at her shoulder, a glum Irene disconsolately hands over her balloons to Bea as she’s sent to get a chair for the pumpkin coach! You know, I think that’s one of the most random sentences I’ve ever constructed in my entire life!
Anyway, cheer up Irene, at least you get to be the foil for a fabulously corny one-liner, and that’s even without you very soon passing into the annals of Prisoner legend! Every cloud has a silver lining, eh?! Mr Gillespie questions, suspiciously, “Nagel, where are you going?!”
To save Grundy’s paying the poor girl an extra two bob for some dialogue (as tight as a fish’s bum, as Lizzie would say!), Bea answers for her, “She’s going to get a chair for me, Mr Gillespie!”
Judy interjects, “Yeah, let’s all have a cheer for Bea! Hip hip!” Great stuff!
It must be the height of him, or Mr G must sure be hard of hearing, as Margo sidles up to Bea and says about three feet from him in a normal speaking voice, “I reckon we’re in luck Bea. The screws on the roof can’t see because of the top of the tent….”
Surprised, Bea asks, “You sure?” and Margo replies, “Well I got pretty close to the manhole cover just now and I couldn’t see the roof.”
This satisfies Bea so she tells her to tell Judy, and instructs Hazel to hide the ladder behind some costumes, all under the gaze of our Mr Gillespie! He’s definitely losing his touch!
Ah, and there’s another brilliant exchange at the end of this scene, as Bea observes to Mr Gillespie that the ladies are getting changed. Blandly, Mr G replies, “Yes I can see that!”
To which Bea points out, “Well they don’t usually have a male audience for that!”
Smashing bit of improvisation off the back of that as she pulls a face and makes that squeaking noise with her balloon as she sends Gillespie on his way, because that so isn’t scripted!
Leading on from this, there’s a nice cosy little scene in the cell at bedtime with Bea, Lizzie and Doreen. Doreen’s sorting through all her things for Lizzie to dish out amongst the women because it’s not practical of course for her to take everything with her when she goes over the wall (or rather under it in this instance!).
After the lights go out, Doreen suddenly realises that it’ll be the last night she’ll spend inside with Bea and Lizzie. Lizzie hugs her and croaks, “I’ll miss you Dor’!” as Doreen replies, “I’ll miss you too, Lizzie!”
I love Bea’s dry observation, “You’ll be too busy looking over your shoulder to miss anyone!”
All choked up, Doreen chides, “Come off it Bea. You’re the two best friends I’ve ever had!” Poor old Franky – I thought she’d have been up there too! And what about Lynnie?! How fickle! Out of sight, out of mind, eh?!
Knowing how much this means to her, Bea concedes, “Yeah okay, okay. Come on, let’s all get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long hard day!”
As the melancholy incidental musical kicks in, perfect for the mood of the moment, as is the lighting in this scene, poor little Dor’ adds sadly, “I’m sorry Bea. It’s just I’m getting a bit lonely already.”
Ah, but Lizzie has something for her, “Here you are Dor’, you take Teddy for company!” Bless! She quivers, "I wonder where you’re going to be this time tomorrow…”
Hugging her teddy for comfort Doreen sighs, soulfully, “Yeah, I wonder…”
And so to the big day of the panto and watching Mr G look grumpy amongst the guy lines, all I can think is I hope that marquee’s well anchored to the ground, because it’s looking a bit blowy out Nunawading way! I sure don’t envy the job of the guard on the roof!
Meanwhile, back inside the prison, I’m loving Mouse’s tremendous mouse ears on the pillbox hat of her Buttons costume! Nice touch! And what about our Lizzie in her baby pink fairy tutu?! Fabulous doesn’t even come close! The wardrobe department must’ve had a field day running up the outfits for this!
Lizzie’s brought Teddy along for Doreen but she grumbles, “Oh Lizzie I can’t take him with me!”
But Lizzie persists, “Well you can’t leave your best friend behind!”
Doreen tuts, “I’m leaving all me friends behind!”
Bless her, Lizzie’s not to be deterred though and resolves to take him out with them anyway. Yay!
Judy’s busy writing a note for Erica, explaining to Bea that she has to know why they’re doing what they’re doing. Bea’s doubtful that it’ll have any effect though, reasoning, “Do you think that’s going to make any difference? They’re not going to get rid of Gillespie just because he’s unpopular with the women, you know! As a matter of fact, you lot escaping is going to make it a darned sight harder for the rest of us…”
However Judy’s unrepentant, insisting, “It’s gotta be said, Bea. Well we’re leaving because we’re being treated like animals right? Right and we have the right to tell her that.”
Bea accepts what’s she’s saying and offers to take care of the note so that it doesn’t fall into the hands of the authorities until they’re safely away.
Right on cue, an oblivious Queen Erica makes an appearance to wish them luck! Irony, irony! As Lizzie almost bursts herself saying after she’s departed, “Cor, if she only knew!”
You know what’s really lovely though? In the original text at the end of this scene, after the others have filed out, it’s scripted:
DOREEN TAKES LIZZIE’S ARM.
Doreen: Lizzie…I might not get another chance…I just want to say…y’know…goodbye…
LIZZIE SMILES AT HER, BUT CANNOT SAY ANYTHING. SHE SQUEEZES HER HAND.
However Sheila Florance and Colette Mann have such a chemistry that they convey it all in an exchange of looks in this moment that speak more eloquently than any words ever could.
Next up, in a nice bit of product placement for Budget Truck Rentals, a really creepy looking little leprechaun (leprechaun is my word of this blog! It’s the second time I’ve randomly used it!) in a fetching pea green blazer rocks up to entertain Helen with an equally appealing line in incredibly sexist banter!
He’s explaining to her that even though she says she’s never driven a truck like that before it’s fairly simple once you get the hang of it and not much different to a car except it’s bigger, adding with a smirk, “Remember that when you’re parking it won’t you?!”
A master of the obvious, he instructs her, “Now listen when you load it, make sure you tie everything down good and tight. Have you got a bloke to help you?!”
I love Helen’s cool response to that, “No but my girlfriend and I will manage!” He rolls his eyes, “You women’s libbers – you’re all the same!” Outrageous dialogue! Dave Worthington you bad boy!
Mr Leprechaun leers, “Come on, I’ll show you the gears!” What a tempting offer! Lucky Helen!
Oh hurrah! Now we’ve finally made it to the panto and our show begins with that rousing rendition of This Old Man! Awwww, and I’ve already told you my cheesy This Old Man joke!
Now, he seems like a nice jolly man, but how much did I want the pianist to be the lady from the dancing lessons in episode 5 though?! Speaking of which, digressing a little (just for old time’s sake!), Irene the dance teacher from that has to win my prize for one of the funniest one-liners from a single episode guest in the whole series with her barb at a hapless Doreen, “You’re lucky I try to teach you movement at all, you clumsy cow!”
What an absolutely brilliant job the fabulously named Marcella Burgoyne did with that part! I’ve only recently rediscovered her work in my first ever complete run through of The Sullivans, for she played the German shopkeeper’s wife Lotte Kaufman at the start of the series!
My friend and I have been a bit silly about that actually! We call Lotte National Lottery and her husband Hans (played by Leon Lissek, a brilliantly theatrical character actor!), Hands Knees And Bumps A Daisy, the crazy cats that we are! It sure is worth a look, I tell thee, featuring as it does a whole galaxy of Prisoner stars and familiar faces from so many other things! I know the full series is as rare as hen’s teeth (so what a lucky Lily I am!), but the “Best of…” compilation which is easier to get hold of is even worth it in its own right!
As the camera pans across the assembled kiddliewinks and Jim Fletcher walks towards Vera, you catch him mouthing something to her and then he grins and looks away! I’d love to think it was something diabolical to try to make her laugh, but fair dues to Fiona Spence, she keeps her composure and stays completely in character scowling at the throng! We sure do get value for money with her as Vera because she’s 100% always true to the part, even when she’s not at the centre of the action! Also great to see Queen Erica joining in so enthusiastically with the singing too! She rocks!
Meanwhile, backstage the women are making their final preparations for the big show. Bea and Judy are resplendent in their Ugly Sisters costumes. Bea asks Judy how she looks, to which Judy laughs, “As ugly as sin!”
Bea retorts, “Well you’re no oil painting yourself you know!” prompting Judy to chuckle, “Well we should be a big hit then eh?!”
Aw, they even manage to get a big smile out of poor Irene from that exchange! Nice work, girls!
I love that little exchange too with Doreen and Lizzie huddled up together in front of the mirror doing their make up and Mouse comes along moaning at Dor’ to hurry up because she’s on first. Doreen rolls her eyes, “But I’m the leading lady!”
I love how Bea laughs, “Will you listen to her! She hasn’t been on stage and yet already she’s the staaaaaaaar!”
Loving Mr G’s positive input into all this when Bea confirms that they’re ready to start, “Good, let’s get this fiasco over!” What a happy sunbeam he is!
Back in front of the curtains, the poor pianist’s smile has faded with the ten millionth rendition of This Old Man he’s been forced to bang out and he’s almost weeping across his ivories! To think, ten years at the Royal Academy of Music just for that! Life can be very cruel!
And so the show finally begins, with Mouse hesitantly doing her little introduction that I can’t quite bring myself to quote her because I feel like we’ve heard it as often as This Old Man through the course of this episode! I love the blank nonplussed looks on the kiddies faces at first! Children and animals…just don’t be working with them!
How fabulous is Lizzie’s entrance though from under that cloak?! With a flourish, she trills, “I’m your fairy godmother!” I’m also adoring how that’s as close to Sheila Florance’s richly rounded natural speaking voice as you’re ever likely to hear in the show, for she was as well spoken as Queen Erica in real life! As the kiddies all cheer, “YAY!!!!!”
I love how when Doreen gasps, “I never knew I had a fairy godmother!” our Sheila slips back into Lizzie’s ocker, “Well you have! Did I frighten ya?!”
While this is going on, Judy’s fretting about the omnipresent Mr Gillespie keeping his beady eye on things, as she hisses to Bea, “He’s still there. At this rate we’ll never get out of here!”
Bea counsels, “Just act natural, with a bit of luck he might go away!” as right on cue he appears at their shoulder! In true panto style, altogether now, let’s all shout out, “HE’S BEHIND YOU!!!!” Oo-er! Ha ha ha! Love the way Judy fans herself as she draws him a look! A perfectly natural way to act!
Meanwhile, there’s a funny close to this scene as back on stage when Doreen asks her why she’s wearing L Plates, Lizzie explains, “Oh I’m having a bit of trouble with me fairy godmother tests. The last time I had one the examiner asked me to turn him into a charming prince but I turned him into a frog!”
Doreen asks whether he was angry and Lizzie quips, “I dunno, me cat ate him!”
Ha ha! I often have that trouble myself! I love how the little ones all fall about laughing at that too!
On the outside, there’s a lovely sylvan little scene of some lush greenery and a flowing stream that Helen drives across, such a contrast to the grimness of Wentworth and symbolising the freedom for which our heroines are striving. I like that extra little touch too for a bit of added tension of the dog chasing after the truck and barking – because the last thing Helen’s wanting of course is to draw any attention to it!
Mind you, not that those MASSIVE sunglasses that she’s sporting covering almost her entire face (that Margo later pinches for her payroll job!) aren’t a bit suspicious! So as she leaves the papers in the glove box and the keys in the back of the truck, it’s all systems go for their big escape then! Excitingness!
Oh I’m so pleased, at least our Irene gets a line at the start of the next scene, as she calls out, “Hey, here they come!” as Mouse and Bea scramble offstage nearly tripping over the ladder! Good on you, girl! This gives Lil a chance to spirit the ladder and the blanket into position for the breakout! Hurrah for me!
Here we go then, as seeing their chance and with not a minute to lose, Bea hisses, “Right, get into those costumes. And MOVE IT!”
Aw, there’s a nice little exchange between Lizzie and Doreen as Lizzie leans over and says to her, “Dor’, you’ll think of us when you’re out, won’t ya?” and Doreen reassures her, “Of course I will, Lizzie…” joking, “…and I’ll send you a crate of grog too!”
I really love the bond that these two characters have in the show. IMO, Sheila Florance was always at her best working with the younger ones.
But before anyone can go anywhere, they need to bring the panto to a close, which involves Margo as Prince Charming coming on with the glass slipper but Bea as the Ugly Sister hurling it out of the way so poor Cinders (our Dor’!) can’t try it on. Nice bit of timing as they all pause and listen out for the breaking glass in unison! Not bad for a bunch of crims! Anyone would think they were experienced stage actresses or something!
Loving Jane Clifton’s work as Margo hamming it up as Prince Charming too! She’s fantastic – booming, when it turns out that Cinderella really is Princess Crystal, “Then you must come to the palace at once! We will be married without delay!” YAY!
You know, I’d actually have liked to have seen the panto itself in its own right even without The Great Escape going on around it! I’m a sucker for a good pantomime! Oh no I’m not! Oh yes I am!
Oh so exciting now, as now’s the time for their hurried goodbyes, as Doreen and Mouse do a quick switch with Phyllis and less probably Hazel (such a similar build to Mouse?!), and our intrepid heroines make a break for the tunnel. I love the suspenseful camera work here, peering up between the guy lines of the tent to the guard on the roof, as the funky dramatic music kicks in, heightening the intensity of it all and one by one they disappear down the manhole.
As they quickly change out of their costumes I did have to laugh at what I thought was a glimpse of Doreen’s bloomers, until I realised it was just her trousers rolled up under her Cinderella smock!
An extra (who out of interest, if anyone is interested actually, is named as Robyn in the script – so now you know, if you didn’t already!) rushes over to the hole and swiftly heaves the drain cover back into position, and I’ll leave it to the breathless stage directions in the script to describe what happens next!
SHE FREEZES: ANNE STANDS BY THE TENT, WATCHING…
AFTER A MOMENT OF PANIC ON ROBYN’S PART, ANNE BECKONS URGENTLY TO HER AND ROBYN DISAPPEARS BEHIND THE CANVAS.
Really gripping stuff! I don’t know about you, but I’m on the edge of my seat even in spite of having seen this more times than I can remember!
Down in the tunnel, our wannabe escapees are just about good to go, as Judy whispers, “So far so good, eh girls?”
Dippy Doreen’s having second thoughts already though, as she havers, “Er, Jude, I think I better go back!”
Exasperated, in her “Oh my Gawd, are you out of your moind?!” voice, Judy snaps, “What the hell are you talking about?! Do you wanna blow it for everybody?!”
Doreen whimpers, “Weeeell, it’s just that I feel real bad about leaving Lizzie back there and this place is really giving me the creeps!”
Judy sets her straight though, firing back at her impatiently, “Listen to me, you’re gonna blow it for everyone if you do that! You should’ve thought of all of that before! Now if you’re not coming with us you can stay RIGHT HERE and you can stay here until we get away, and that’s a long way away. Now what’s it gonna to be?!”
Looking around at the alternative and knowing that she’s beaten, Doreen less than enthusiastically quivers, “Oh okay I’m coming!”
And so they splish splosh off into the darkness of the tunnel!
Meanwhile, above ground, Margo is bringing the panto to an end, and I’ve always loved that little closing rhyme they do:
“Our story is over, the pantomime’s through…”
I’m sorry, I must interrupt Margo there to tell you how my Mum cracked me up when we were watching this the other day as I was busying away doing my homework on this! She quipped:
“Loads have escaped, so boo hoo hoo!”
Sylvia Plath’s got nothing on my Mum, I tell you!
Sorry Margo! No her little ditty really goes:
“Our story is over, the pantomime’s through,
It all goes to show fairytales can come true! (I feel a song coming on!)
So always be good, and love one another,
Your father, your mother, your sister your brother…”
Bea interjects…scarily!
“’Cos if you’re not, and we should find out,
We’ll come round your house and give you a clout!”
As she pulls out her fist to reveal a giant boxing glove! We promise to be good, Bea! We wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of you, lady! It’s a great bit of visual fun though and I love how the kids all love it too!
Ah, but we’re not even done yet, as waving her magic wand, our favourite fairy godmother Lizzie leans between Margo and Phyllis, and adds:
“And if you don’t want a good thump on the head,
We might decide to give you lollies instead!”
YAY! Oh throw some in our direction! I feel about six again watching this! It’s wonderful!
Much to Mr Gillespie’s ire (i.e. his default state!), pandemonium then ensues with the kiddies all swamping the stage and intermingling with the women!
Furious, he barks at Erica, “What’s going on?! There was nothing in the script about coming down into the audience!”
Erm…actually I think you’ll find Mr G, according to my copy, it says:
THE PIANIST STRIKES UP A CHORD, AND EVERYONE STARTS SINGING “NICK NACK PADDY WHACK”, MOVING DOWN AMONG THE CHILDREN TO DISTRIBUTE THE LOLLIES.
What a silly Mr Gillespie! :D
Of course, fabulously, supremely unconcerned about this gargantuan security breach, Erica wafts him off breezily, “I think it’s only natural they’d want closer contact, Mr Gillespie, and I am sure your security arrangements are adequate!”
Excellent stuff! She really is insane isn’t she?!
Oooooh, I love this creepy little scene next when Lizzie heads backstage for more lollies and bumps into Anne Griffin! Anne sighs, dreamily, “She’s gone you know…”
Nonplussed, Lizzie replies, “Eh?!”
Turning to face her, Anne continues, “Doreen…she’s gone, you’ll never see her again…”
Distractedly pulling the party streamers away from her neck, Lizzie’s face falls as the finality of it all really hits home. Suddenly all forlorn, so cleverly juxtaposed against the mirthful sound of the jubilations in the background, Lizzie reaches for Doreen’s teddy which she’s left behind and stares deep into her own heart with a look that speaks volumes. Beautifully done by Sheila Florance as always in moments like these.
Next up, Bea comes looking for Lizzie and runs into Loopy Lulu Anne too! She tells her in that floaty way of hers that she’s gone. Impatiently, Bea tries to make sense of this, pressing her, “Gone? What do you mean gone? Gone where?!”
Anne trills softly, “With the others, down the hole…”
Bea rolls her eyes, “Look, I haven’t got time to muck around with this…”
But Anne insists, “It’s true! She asked me to put back the cover after her!”
Oh no! Finally believing her, Bea realises that there isn’t a minute to lose, and so dashes to action grabbing her own prison clothes and telling Anne that she’ll have to help her because some of the girls have gone down the hole “just as a joke…” and that Lizzie went with them but shouldn’t have so she’ll have to go after her to get her back.
Anne agrees to help all she can, and I love what it says in the script about Bea’s reaction to this:
BEA’S WORRY PUSHES HER INTO A BELLIGERENCE SHE DOES NOT TRULY FEEL: IT IS JUST SECOND NATURE TO HER BY NOW.
I think that captures the essence of Bea and what drives her at this point in the show to a tee.
Back down in the tunnel, our intrepid heroines are splashing along in the darkness when they hear a noise in the distance. As it describes dramatically in the script:
THEY LOOK TO EACH OTHER IN FEAR. ARE THEY BEING PURSUED?
*Gasp!* What can it be?!
Ah, but next up they hear a plaintive, but unmistakeable cry, “Dor’…? Dor’?”
As Doreen gasps, “It’s Lizzie!”
Clapping her hand to her brow Judy sighs wearily, “Aw…how the hell did she get in here?!”
I love the eager way a sparkly tiara-ed Lizzie beams eagerly to Doreen when she catches up with them, “I brought Teddy! I’m coming with you!”
Wide eyed at the unexpected encumbrance in a fairy costume who’s suddenly materialised before her, Judy groans, “Yeah well fat lotta good that’s gonna do ya! Dressed like that the cops’ll be onto us in a flash!”
Well at least it’d be a fair-y cop! A fair-y cop! Geddit?! Boom ching! Thankyouverymuch! *Cue hysterical laughter a-la-Judy there!* Oh dear! I want locking up for that!!!!
Poor old Lizzie admits, “Oh I didn’t think of that! I didn’t want Dor’ to go out by herself!”
Undaunted now she’s been reunited with her old mate, Doreen suggests, hopefully, “Aw we could think of something, Jude. You know, hide her in the back of the truck, you know?”
Knowing she’s beaten, Judy tuts in that classic crisis mode of hers, “Oh my Gawd…Look I don’t have time to think about that now! Let’s just get going eh?!”
Up above ground again, Queen Erica is bringing the show to a close, declaring, “Thank you Sister Theresa for those kind words…”
Yes thank you Sister Theresa for those kind words…that we didn’t even hear! How mad is Erica?! I’m sure Sister Theresa’s words were lovely though! At least I hope they were! I’ve just had the silliest picture in my head of Sister Theresa hurling a tirade of foul mouthed abuse at them about what she made of it all just before that! What a silly Lily I am…not to mention a naughty one thinking such bad thoughts of a woman of the cloth! Get me to a nunnery!
In the foreground, Margo frets to Phyllis, “’Strewth Dizzy’s going mad trying to keep track of everyone! If Bea and Lizzie don’t get back soon it’s really going to hit the fan!”
Outside the tent as she’s disappearing down the hole, Bea urges Anne, “Help me drag the cover back on, and then get the hell out of here! I don’t want to attract any attention!”
Anne asks in that vacant way of hers, “How will you get out?”
Bea sets her straight, “I’ll be able to lift this from inside – don’t you worry! And then tell Margo to cover for me and Lizzie until I get back and I’ll be back as soon as I can! Come on!”
Anne does as she’s bidden, but then as the dramatic music kicks in flagging up that something’s afoot, she pauses, biting her lip for a second until she spies the wheelbarrow to the side! I must say, how security-tastic of Wentworth again for tools to just be left lying unattended out in the garden, especially on a day when so many people are coming into the prison from outside! There’s even a fork sticking in the ground! What the fork?! Ha ha!
Oh and I love barrow-cam, as the camera focuses on the wheel of the barrow as Anne trundles it over to the drain cover, racking up the intensity of it all! In case you haven’t noticed, I do ship out on unusual and inventive camera angles in the show! In fact, you might say I really dig them! Dig them? Geddit?! Oh get back in the knife drawer, Miss Sharp! Them thar puns are a-coming thick and fast now!
But what’s this?! Oh no! She upends its entire contents on top of the drain cover effectively entombing them from this side! Oh my Gawd…is she out of her moind?! Well, evidently! I must say, I know it’s easy for me to judge when urgency was so of the essence, but to be fair it wasn’t Bea’s smartest call placing such trust in that fruitcake!
If she’d waited a couple of more seconds surely she could have collared Phyllis or Margo or even one of the many background extras! I mean okay, so the background extras couldn’t speak but at least they could’ve gesticulated frantically! Some of them have got that down to a fine art by this point in the show!
Meanwhile, down in the tunnel, there’s a superb bit of unscripted adlib from Judy as they’re hurriedly making their way along in the murk and mire, “You know when they told me I was going down the drain, I never thought it would come to this!”
Lizzie perks up as she observes, “Hey Dor’, I reckon this is where the old cellars are!”
Doreen encourages, “You might be right there, Lizzie!”
Good old Lizzie has her priorities right as she laughs (and even though you can’t see her in the gloom you just know she’s licking her lips!), “Oh, keep yer eyes peeled for any old bottles you see laying about!” Now there’s a woman after my own heart!
Bea finally catches up with them and scolds Lizzie for the folly of her ways, “You silly old bugger, how long do you think she’d last with you hanging on?! The cops’d pick you up in ten seconds flat and bang’ll go your chances of ever being outside with your family!”
Annoyed at herself, Lizzie admits, “Oh I didn’t think of that!”
So the women start to go their separate ways with Bea heading back with Lizzie and the others pushing on to freedom, but Doreen frantically calls Lizzie back, desperate for a few last words in the way that saying such a final goodbye to anyone you care for is always such a wrench, assuring her, “I’ll be alright, honest!”
Kissing her, and choking back her feelings, Lizzie croaks, “Aw, ‘course you will!”
They part again and each little group makes its way off into the darkness…buuuuuut….with a shrill shriek piercing the gloom, the ill-starred Irene grabs one of the timbers supporting the structure of this part of the tunnel to steady herself, and with a gigantic heave and an ominous creaking sound a terrible catastrophe ensues that many fear throughout our dear show…the set falls down!
Only this time it really is meant to, and our Irene sure made sure of that with that humungous monkey bar swing she did on that timber, using the whole momentum of her entire body weight to dislodge it! Honestly, they’d have been in safer hands taking Anne Griffin along!
Unearthly cries fill the void as a torrent of rubble rains down upon them and Bea and Lizzie look on in abject terror, bringing the episode to a stunning close.
There was a little fragment of dialogue cut from this final scene, featuring some further classic Judy “freaking out in a crisis” action:
JUDY AND MOUSE LOOK BACK IN HORROR.
Judy: (CONT) Oh my God! Irene! Doreen!
MOUSE SCREAMS AND POINTS TO IRENE’S LEG WHICH PROTRUDES FROM THE PILE OF RUBBLE.
THE SCREAM DIES AWAY, AND THERE IS DEAD SILENCE. JUDY RUNS TO THE RUBBLE AND SCRABBLES AT IT.
Judy: (CONT) Doreen! Lizzie! Can you hear me?
ANOTHER SHOWER OF RUBBLE DROPS. JUDY STEPS BACK: THE DUST STARTS TO SETTLE.
Judy: (CONT) (QUIETLY) Oh, my God.
And oh my God at another slice of absolutely superlative television! How much does Prisoner rock when it’s as good as this?! So much of the show is such a rich tapestry of so many layers and levels of drama, emotional intensity and sheer enjoyment, but there are some episodes and moments that particularly excel even beyond your expectations, and never pale in their potency with the passing years, and this, for me, is one of them and why it’s what I consider to be one of the truly definitive episodes of the series.
It really is one of those little slices of stardust that make you fall in love with the show all over again, each and every time you come across it!
And so along with shedding a tear at the loveliness of Meg’s wedding, having a laugh at some of the silliness of the antics of Mr G, Erica and Anne (not to mention the hapless Irene, working her new role as demolition dynamo to the hilt!), all the intentional and unintentional humour of it all, you care so much about the characters that you really are cheering and urging them every step along that tunnel as they make their bid for freedom, and are left almost as much aghast in the wake of the collapse as Bea and Lizzie are as the rubble settles and the credits roll, soaking up the enormity of it all!
What an Oh My God moment indeed!
