A Winter's Tale

"Haw haw haw!" Guess who I've been to see recently? Well, given that we're talking Prisoner, it must be the owner of one of the most memorable laughs in our dear old show, second only to that of Elizabeth Josephine Birdsworth! Marie Winter...even her name is poetry! Whenever she was around you knew there was going to be trouble right there in Wentworth city with a capital T! Excitingness to meet a Prisoner legend! I can hardly believe it myself!

I was beside myself for weeks at the very idea that one of the stars from my all time favourite show was coming to town and that I was going to have the opportunity to see her and possibly even, if I got really lucky, actually meet her! This did worry me more than a little because I do have form for behaving like a total plum in the presence of notables!

The most memorable/notorious/embarrassing instance of this was when I met Tony Blair when he was Prime Minister (and still in his honeymoon period of his popularity when most people thought the sun shone out of him!). As I've said before, in a past life, many moons ago I was of all things a cop! Think a quite camp and not very effectual hybrid of Joyce Barry and Meg Morris! As I'm always saying, I left because I was far too soft...in the head as well as the heart!

Anyway, in my very first week of training, they sprung a VIP visit at the end of the week which turned out to be Mr Blair himself! They had us all lined up like little soldiers in this gym hall, sweltering in the heat of all the bodies crammed into such a confined space, in our full dress uniforms, minus our whistles which they removed from us for security, much to our amusement! What did they think we were going to do? Blow them in his ear? Throttle him with the whistle chain? Very bizarre!

Digressing from my digression (what am I like?! I'm getting worse!) we were laughing in work the other week about the whistle they mention being attached to your lifejacket when they're doing the safety drill on aircraft. I mean what's that all about?! We decided that it must be in case you fancy having a last minute rave before you meet your maker! Right on!

Anyway, back to my Blair bumblings, they warned us in no uncertain terms of the dire consequences that would befall us if we were to even think about speaking to him unless he spoke to us! So along he wandered our neat little lines of highly polished policeness (you could almost smell our newness!) and of all things, he stopped right in front of me, flashed his election winning, 10,000 megawatt smile at me and said, "My goodness!"

Oo-er, well I was totally conflummoxed! It wasn't a question, it was just an exclamation, so I didn't know what to do! I just went an even deeper shade of red than the one I was already, beamed soppily back at him, and in the style of a female Frank Spencer, replied, "Ah ha ha hum!"

For years I've pondered the mystery as to what on earth was going on there! Why stop at me and come out with such a thing?! Was it an expression of surprise at the fact that I was such a tiny little munchkin compared to my compatriots, I did look about 12 at the time (in the way that they say policemen/women are always looking younger!), I was radiating enough heat under the pressure of the occasion to power a small town, or was it that he'd fallen head over heels in love with me and had it not been for the bank of press and assorted assemblage around us he'd have whisked me off into the sunset in his VIP car! I'll never know! Unless of course Tone's a Prisoner fan himself and comes on here to explain himself!

Anyway, all that didn't bode well for what I was going to be like in the presence of a Prisoner VIP! To prepare myself, the night before I watched the eponymous helicopter escape of episode 471 (not as far fetched as it sounds, as there have been a number of helicopter prison breaks over the years - truth is indeed stranger, or at least just as strange at any rate, than fiction!).

My favourite line of the episode, not related to Marie Winter or the escape, but coming from Dot Farrar about camp cook Ray Proctor, "Well, whatever his sexual persuasions, he certainly knows what to do with a sausage!"

Honestly, what an episode, not only having one of the most memorable escapes of the whole series, but also one of the funniest lines, and that's even without mentioning all the drama of poor little Shane stuck down that storm drain like a drowned rat! "Auntie Joan, Auntie Joan!" *splosh!* Honestly though, how much does Prisoner rock when it's firing on all cylinders like that?!

I also had a look at the little riot she started a few episodes before in episodes 466-467 (after watching 471, because that's the kind of random crazy cat that I am! I just don't care, do I?!) and couldn't believe I'd forgotten just how brilliant that was! "There's nothing much on the telly tonight, so we're going to have ourselves a riot!" The class of our Marie!

It really was quite spectacular though, with all the windows blazing away like Roman Candles and 'Wonder Woman' Ann Reynolds braving the flames to rescue Leigh Templar from her burning cell, reminding me of ET at that bit in the film where Elliott has him under the blanket! All I can say is it was lucky that lacquer she used to keep her bun in place wasn't highly flammable or it could have been more than "Ouch!!!"

All I could think as I was watching the action was that I couldn't believe that I was actually going to see the legendary instigator of all this the very next evening! It really was too thrilling for words, but I'll make some for you anyway just to give some idea of just how thrilling it was on the scale of thrilling things! In fact, it was so thrilling, it actually broke my scale of thrilling things so I'll need to go to the thrilling things scale shop and buy a new set now!

And so the night of the party arrived and I'm absolutely delighted to tell you that it didn't in any way disappoint and was one of the most memorable and enjoyable evenings of my life. There's an old adage that you should never meet your heroes but I feel incredibly fortunate to say that my first experience of meeting a star from my top show was of someone so genuine, warm and approachable. Maggie Millar is a true star in every sense of the word. In spite of the fact that she must have been quite tired by that stage, given that with her hectic schedule she'd been in something like four countries in four days, I was mightily impressed by how she made time for everyone.

Indeed, I was particularly struck by the humility of such a talented actress and indeed artist (because her artwork is superb too), in the chat that I was lucky enough to have with her (completely surreal to have a conversation with someone who's lived inside your television set for years!) and particularly in her touching farewell speech at the end of the night when she thanked everyone for coming and for our interest in the show, on behalf of the rest of the cast as well as herself, which I thought was a really nice touch. I found myself filling up, and I almost am now at the thought of it, soppy old thing that I am!

As if meeting a Prisoner legend wasn't enough, there were more delights on offer in that they had brought along some of the original uniforms from the series, which amazingly you could fondle and even try on! Yes folks, the hands that are rattling away at these words actually fondled Lizzie's pinnie (I'll never wash them again!) and I tried on a random prisoner's uniform (so shapeless and unflattering - but that's enough about me, the uniform wasn't a great cut either! How they all suffered for their art though!), posing for some scary mugshots, oh and I donned Officer Radcliffe's tunic jacket, complete with original keys which I took great delight in swinging! I couldn't just leave them in their pocket like a normal person, could I?!

I'm afraid I was far too shy/worried about breaking the camera to have my photo taken with Maggie herself (I told you I was a plum!), but the pictures I have in my own mind of that magical evening and getting to meet her are more than enough for me! I can't thank Scott and Barry, the folks at Delmonicas in Glasgow where the party was held, and indeed Maggie Millar herself enough for going to so much trouble to make it all happen. I really hope that everyone else who attended that and/or any of the other events that were held across the country and indeed over in Sweden enjoyed them just as much as I did.

I love the notion of occasions like that giving fans like us the opportunity to show our appreciation for the contribution that all the wonderful performers and everyone else connected with the show made towards making Prisoner the greatness that it truly is.

And so if I'm to get flattened by a bus tomorrow in some terrible road crossing calamity, as I'm lying there in a mangled heap about to breathe my last, alongside wishing I'd taken my Nan's advice to always carry a spare pair of knickers with me in case of such an eventuality (!), I can do so contentedly in the knowledge that I've met a legend from my very favourite programme (and she was lovely!), donned some of the costumery and fondled Lizzie's pinnie! Life really doesn't get much better than that! Pure stardust!